Pinterest-ing

In the past two days, Pinterest has become my obsession. It's like an internet mecca, and so far I have wasted a cool five hours on there. I wish that statement were in jest or sarcasm, but I find myself truly lost to the charms of the site. So far, I have found a doormat that says, 'Nice Underwear,' a recipe for homemade pretzel bites and cheese sauce, a few new hairstyles, and a multitude of decorating ideas.

I am not good at interior decorating. I was born without the knack, nay, gene, for achieving ambiance in my home. But Pinterest has given me hope. If you ever come to visit, and find these exact things somewhere in my home, just please don't tell anyone else that I am a total copycat slash interior decorating fraud.

There is a corner of our living room that is incredibly frustrating. The walls are not wide enough to yield themselves to easy decorating, and that happens to also be the only place that the stupid sofa fits, so I can't do this cute trick with a dresser or table of some sort, but I do think I can pull off the curtain rod with something hanging from it.

Apparently, a huge monogram of the first letter of your last name is in? Totally behind the times on this one. I do have a shelf that has an empty space that would be just big enough for an awesome 'D'.

Sunburst mirrors simply make my day. There's this awesome one at Michael's right now that even has some bling going on. This one seems simple enough to make, if only I felt like going out and collecting 150 twigs.

Now this, I think I can do. You spray paint paper mache letters with metallic paint (or I suppose any color would do, but metallic is just so cool). My thought is this: the kitchen cabinets don't come all the way up to the ceiling. I have a little decorate-y setup right in the middle, but the sides are blank and I have always half wanted something there. So here's what I'm thinking. 'Bon Apetit' in metallic letters, on either side of the center arrangement. Not only will it look cool, but it will show how very cultured we are.

This idea will probably make its way into the bedroom or the guest room. Empty frames are the thing right now, and honestly I just don't get it. It's not that they look bad, but there's just wall underneath! The framed words, on the other hand, I can get behind. And using larger frames is a perfect way to take up a good chunk of wall space, so those sad, empty walls that are just begging for decoration get a simple solution.

I've had an idea...

It seems as though I can't come up with a direction for my life, which has caused me endless frustration. In the long run, I'd like to be a stay-at-home mother, and do the things that stay-at-home mothers do. Raise the kids, keep the house clean, have people over for dinner, run the kids around to sports/band/choir/orchestra/piano, etc. What I've noticed about most moms is that they also have a 'thing' that they do to keep themselves occupied, and which also earns a bit of extra income. I've had a lot of ideas on this front. I want to open up a used bookstore. I want to make and sell homemade marinades and various other cooking things, such as vanilla. I want to work part-time when the kids start school. I want to go back to school myself. I have a myriad of ideas, all of which have their downfalls. For instance, if I did open my own bookstore, you have the financial stress of owning your own business, as well as the demanding schedule. Making homemade marinades/infused oils/vanillas would be fun, and I truly think I would enjoy it. However, you'd have to produce and sell a ton of it to actually make a profit, and I can't picture those being 'fly off the shelf' items. As for working part-time, you still get roped into working Saturdays, or being limited on when and how much time you can take off...and the point of staying at home is that the family is the priority, not the job. There are times, too, when I think I'd like to go back to school and actually make a career for myself. But then I think, well, sure...sink deep into debt, and then school takes four years, and by that time, we'd like to have a baby, so would I end up even working at all? Wells Fargo reimburses tuition expenses, but only if you choose a finance-related field. I don't want to be an accountant or study economics. I'd prefer to teach history or English, so they wouldn't reimburse for that.

Here's my latest brainwave. I find myself often looking at the ingredients I have in my kitchen, not wanting to go shopping, but at the same time, not knowing what to create out of what I have on hand. I'm sure that many people face this problem...so what about a website where you can enter in up to, say, ten things you have in your cupboard and it generates several recipe options? I was thinking of calling it something like mypantry.com or some other kitschy name. Readers could do all of the following: contribute recipes, search for recipes they want (like a general search for 'cornbread' or spaghetti'), or enter in what they have on hand and read through their options. There would have to be a massive database to pull from, and I assume it would be a lot of work to create and maintain...but perhaps I'm on to something?

Girlfriends. Or chick friends. As in, friends who are fellow women.

When Shaun and I met two and a half years ago, I gained something very valuable. From our first phone conversation, which lasted about three hours, I knew I had found someone I could confide in, trust, laugh with, and talk to. He quickly became my best friend, and it seemed natural from early on in our relationship that we should always be together. At our wedding, the friend of ours who spoke chatted with our parents and grandparents, and he mentioned during our wedding that my parents have been married for nearly 30 years, my paternal grandparents were married for 45 years before my grandmother was widowed, and my maternal grandparents have been married for nearly 57 years. On Shaun's side: his parents have been married for about 34 years, his maternal grandparents were married for 50 years before his grandmother was widowed, and his paternal grandparents have been married for a staggering 67 years. Obviously, Shaun and I are very fortunate to have entered into this lifelong journey, and I'm glad that come heck or high water, we'll still have each other.

That said, I have also learned the value of having female friends. I have to admit that a distance has developed between myself and many of the friends I had before 'Emily' became 'Shaun and Emily'. As Shaun's and my relationship progressed, my focus centered more around that than going on ski trips and shopping trips with my unattached female friends. I also made the choice to move (further) away from the friends I had known from my time in Laramie...so I guess you could say that time and circumstance has separated me from many of my good friends. I still see a few of them now and again, and thankfully the bonds of friendship are strong enough that it seems like not a day has passed since I last saw them.

But I also have to admit that I have felt a little nostalgic for female company at times. There are certain things that Shaun doesn't quite understand. For instance, when I am upset about a snarky remark that I feel was directed at me, Shaun says, 'Oh, she probably didn't mean it that way.' My darling friend Erin, however, would be ready to catfight it out with the culprit who made me cry because she knows that women do say things on purpose and in full knowledge that the words would be hurtful. There's also the issue of buying a new pair of fancy shoes, the worry about weight gain, or big thighs and stuff like that. Those are things my husband can listen to me talk about, but I can watch his eyes glaze over as I babble about my awesome iridescent Danskos. Which kind of make my dreams come true when I put them on my feet.

Lately, I have been feeling somewhat friendless, and have been discouraged by some things that have been said that have made me feel kind of lonely. These are things that I have talked to Shaun about, and he listens and is supportive (and admittedly, balances my stronger emotions with a dose of reason). I have been missing Courtney, Erin, Amanda and Janelle. I've been feeling all emo and misunderstood and stuff. Maybe I should write a dark poem after I finish up this blog. Today, though, I think I may have found a new friend. This is a woman I have known for a couple of years now, but have never known well. She has two kids, so I just kind of assumed that she was part of the 'mom' crowd who all hang out together and talk about baby poop or whatever moms talk about. Her husband called the other day to invite us to lunch at their home today, and so we were excited about the opportunity to get to know this couple a little better. Both the husband and wife have great senses of humor, so we were looking forward to the afternoon. Turns out, we may have found our 'couple friends'. I have always really liked this couple, but this afternoon, chatting and laughing, it felt like we'd been friends for years. Which I've been needing of late.

So I guess I'm learning a couple of things. First, and foremost: my husband and I may not always be able to relate perfectly on every level. That's okay, because I understand this marriage thing is a learning process. But I need to be careful that I don't shut him out because I don't think he'll understand. Even if one of us doesn't fully understand the other, we must communicate, otherwise a gap begins and only widens. The other thing I'm learning is that for myself, I need to have friends. It's true that I'm not always comfortable in social situations, and I'm timid at times, but I do love a long chat with a good friend, and having someone to call who doesn't mind strolling around a mall store or Ross for an hour. Not to put an uncomfortable religious twist on things, but this verse does often come to my mind: 'A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.' Turns out, when you get married, you don't just settle into this Utopian life. There's still lots to learn and lots of improving to do.

The Mrs. Part of Things

Last time I graced this blog with an update (ha!), I was losing my mind in the midst of the wedding preparation. Nowadays, I'm a married lady. Here's what I've learned.

1) The 'old married couple' stereotype? Totally true...and awesome (due to my semi-lazy nature.)

2) Saying 'thank you' to your spouse is one of the more important things you can do in a day.

3) I'm not perfect, but what I lack in perfection, I make up in stubbornness.

4) My husband is more wonderful than I had ever imagined.

5) The firsts are not always an adventure (we are currently planning our first vay-cay. Talk about a bumpy road.)

6) He cares much more about sports than I realized (much to my dismay).

7) I care much more about 'me time' than I realized (much to my dismay. Who knew I was this selfish?)

8) You find more energy within yourself when you know someone else is depending on you. I'm told this continues to escalate with motherhood, not that I'm looking to find out terribly soon.

9) Marriage is a lotta work.

10) Marriage is amazing.

Losing...wait, losing what? Oh, right. It. Losing It.

In the past few days, here's what I've done.

1) Lost a fairly sizable check from my parents which they kindly sent for the wedding (which I thankfully found)

2) Lost my Bible.

3) Lost my keys.

4) Slept through my alarm and was subsequently laaaaate for work.

5) Forgot to send my dad's Father's Day card with his Father's Day present.

I feel, though, that I can justify the fact that I seem to be having a break from reality. The Wedding is now less that a month away. Shaun defends his thesis in three days. I am in a wedding tomorrow. We are looking for a job for Shaun...any of which are in a completely different state. I am hating (what's new?) my job. I am plant-sitting. I can't sleep at night. I am dieting.

Justifiable or not, though, I am worried that my mental breakdown is bleeding over into my wedding preparation. If I can lose my keys, Bible, and a check in the course of seven days, am I losing track of wedding details, too? I feel as though I must be.

So, does every bride feel like this? I assume some of the more even-tempered, cooler-headed ladies have themselves and their weddings more under control at this point than I do. Or, am I just crazy? Is it all under control? Is everything accounted for that possibly can be? But how, in my current state, could I even know?

I have never been a ditzy, forgetful person, and it's really frustrating that I am right now.

Ah, the final stages.

The programs are finished.

The flowers are purchased.

The rings are bought.

The vows are written.

The deposits are deposited.

The recipes are created.

Now what?!

The flowers are solved. They'll turn out slightly different than these, but different in a 'uniquely my own' sort of way.

You may be asking yourself how I came to these conclusions, after just yesterday explaining how I was going in circles and kept coming back to the beautiful bouquet featuring sunflowers and dahlias. There is no simple answer to that question. I was losing sleep over this conundrum last night and stumbled across the pictures of the bouquets. In my stumbling, which involved a lot of Googling, I came across several alternatives that I really liked. I believe the reason behind my research was needing to work out a solution to my boutonniere dissatisfaction, so I was perusing options. Then, of course, searching through boutonnieres led me to pictures of wedding flowers in general, so I was inspired to rethink my flowers...yet again.

It was pretty late, and I was pretty foggy, but I believe the progression of events went something like this: I was looking at a picture of a boutonniere I liked as a part of a slideshow of wedding pictures. Scrolling through the floral pictures, I stumbled upon some beautiful maids' bouquets...and they were all different. There were four or five bouquets, all the same color, but each composed of a different type of flower. This was a novel idea to me, and I really liked it. As a result, I went back to the flower site and started perusing different flowers I could use, while still keeping my own bouquet the way I'd imagined it yesterday.

The very first time I looked at the site, their zinnias caught my eye. I've been saying since the beginning of our planning process that I don't want a color theme, but I want color to be the theme, and for that reason the vivid zinnias grabbed my attention. From yesterday's post, though, it should be evident how many times I have changed my mind over the past six days, so the zinnias were forgotten somewhere in there.

So, in thinking that maybe my maid's bouquets should each be a unique color and/or flower, I revisited the zinnias. Unfortunately, the floral site didn't offer them in just pink, or just orange, or just yellow, or just purple, but a mixture of the four colors. I scrapped the idea, yet again.

As a result of all my perusing yesterday, I had come across several ideas that I liked, but still had my heart set on the dahlia bouquet. I can't say there was a point of grand revelation or anything, but at some juncture I came to realize that it's not actually the bouquet I had my heart set on, but the dahlias. I think they are a most beautiful, elegant flower, and I am hoping to have a beautiful, elegant wedding, so they really fit my taste and vision. As a result, I started Googling 'dahlia/cosmo bouquet', or 'dahlia/godetia bouquet', or 'dahlia/zinnia bouquet.' And that's when I found this.

I don't know what to say about this except it made me stop. When I found my last inspiration, I felt certain I'd found what I was looking for. I was set that I wanted a wildflower look, and the sunflowers, delphinium, and dahlias really fulfilled what I'd imagined. The more I looked at it, though, the more I realized I needed to tweak it to make it what I wanted. I didn't want the fall colors, so I was going to have to change either the dahlias to pink, or do something other than sunflowers. I didn't want cream roses, so I would have to change that, too. Just when I thought I had it figured out, I came across this. The difference between the two bouquets is that, while I had to make the wildflower one mine, I didn't with this one. The white felt romantic, understated, and elegant, and the splashes of color to me added a tasteful pizazz. It suits my personality and tastes perfectly. I am altering it slightly: the asters (which are the spikey flowers with yellow centers) are actually going to be godetia. When I looked at my options on the floral site, I didn't feel confident that the asters they offered would actually serve the purpose. I chose the godetia instead, a slightly more dreamy, romantic flower which will work beautifully. I also loved the idea of incorporating herbs into my bouquet. This bouquet struck me as very non-traditional, while still classical in a way; very me.

The bright colors, of course, will be incorporated with the maids' bouquets. Their dresses are a seafoam green, with a magenta sash, peek-a-boo hem, and wrap. The bright pink, red, orange, and yellow zinnias paired with orange and purple dahlias will pop nicely against the mellow green, while still accentuating the jewel tones.

The boutonnieres are another success story, but this was a result of teamwork. As of this morning, I had made an incomplete breakdown of what I would need if I were to choose these flowers, but had not actually decided on this as my choice. I needed a second opinion, and Shaun, shockingly, is not too interested in flowers. I was able to con my roommate (who's also a bridesmaid) into brainstorming with me. In the process of tossing ideas around, we both gradually came to realize that these were the bouquets. I like to think I knew it from the moment I saw them, but that was around two a.m. so I can't really be sure. We were also bouncing around for ideas on the boutonnieres and came across these. I'd seen them yesterday in my searching, and really liked them but I didn't have access to each type of herb pictured. I scrapped the idea (much like the zinnias...I really need to learn to go with my gut!) and moved on. We came across them again today, and, between the two of us, concluded that we could swap the sage for mint, the oregano for baby's breath, and the blueberries for huckleberries and we're in business. Shaun is wearing a suit, but his groomsmen and ushers are going more simply in white button-up shirts and ties. Because of that, I didn't want a heavy floral boutonniere which the shirts wouldn't be sturdy enough to support, and I didn't want them to be too vivid against the white. These bouts were the perfect fit, once we got all the ingredients worked out. Best of all, Shaun really likes them! When I'd asked him before about wearing a one pink and one orange spray rose for his bout, he said, "I'll wear whatever you want." When he saw these, he said, "Yeah, I really like those." I guess that's about as much enthusiasm as I can hope for in the flower arena, so I'll take it.

Oh, and also...today is May 24th, and our wedding is 60 days away!