Going part-time at work. It seems like the signs point that direction lately. I have talked to my family on the phone twice in the past week, and both times I was too exhausted to carry on a viable conversation. The second time, I talked mostly to my mom. She told me that she thinks I should look for another job on my days off. She said, "It seems like this job is really bringing you down." Given the economy at the moment, and given that we get at least three applicants a week in the coffee shop, completely finding a new job doesn't seem all that feasible. There's the added bonus that we're most likely going to be moving to wherever Shaun finds a job, so most places aren't going to be interested in hiring and training someone for three months of work. Quitting altogether doesn't seem like the best option. But switching to part-time might not be half bad. Another reason? Yesterday I worked 9 1/2 hours. On my feet. Busting my butt. I realize that nurses and doctors work far more grueling hours. But they also get paid probably triple what I do...so...it's not really worth it for me to kill myself between work and wedding.
Here's what's holding me back:
1) We are already working on a very limited budget. When I say very limited, I mean to say that we are literally out of money. Not that my whopping salary keeps us afloat, but that money does save us from putting groceries on some sort of credit card.
2) The minuscule raise I got when I was made manager would probably disappear; not only would I be working fewer hours and thus making less money, but I would be earning a smaller wage.
3) It might give me too much time. I don't know what I would do if I only worked part-time. Let's say I had one more day off a week. Well, I've already got the hang of accomplishing lots of stuff on Mondays, my only true day off. So, say I have Tuesdays off as well...what do I do with my Tuesdays? Aside from not get paid? There are a ton of 'little' wedding projects that I am constantly having to designate to 'next' Monday (when I put 'next' in quotations, I am referring to the perpetual 'next' Monday of procrastinators) because I ran out of time this Monday. But even still, I might find myself wasting away the time and blogging rather than calling the cousin I am hoping will be in charge of the Food Committee (name that show) at the wedding.
4) I am scared. I haven't worked part-time since high school. And I worked part-time in high school because...well, I had school. I know Shaun won't think less of me, but would I think less of myself? I am supposed to be able to handle all this. If I can't handle this, how will I handle having a family and a job at the same time?
The moral of this story is that I have no idea what to do. Should I switch to a more manageable schedule? Should I continue to bust my haunches and earn minimal amounts of money? Would it really kill the coffers that much if I worked six or eight (or 9 1/2) hours less a week? Would I reach the wedding feeling more prepared? Would I drive myself insane being at home that much? Would I be able to face wedding problems with more composure than I have in the past because I'm more relaxed? Would I be in better shape because I would actually have the energy to go to the gym, rather than hold a membership that does me little good after I've worked an eight hour shift on my feet running around and answering questions and putting out fires and cleaning and doing dishes and giving instructions and...and...and...?! Would my house be cleaner? Would my sanity be intact? Could I visit my family before Shaun and I move across the country? Would we be so broke that it would only create new stresses? Could I actually coordinate time with the woman who's helping me plan my wedding, rather than call, text, or Facebook every once in a while to see if she thinks such-and-so would work with the theme of the day?
I really, truly, have no idea what the answers are to these questions. I do know that, from where I stand at this moment, I don't feel like I can keep up this pace. I've only had one full week back at work after a nice five-day break and I am already feeling burnt out and stressed.
My advice...give yourself a time limit. Look for another job, for a month. And try to save any money you can in that month. At the end of the month if you don't have a new job (no need to tell them you're moving) cut your hours back if you still want to. Thank way to took enuogh time to think about it and you won't feel guilty. Sometimes we have to make choices for ourselves...that make us happy ya know?
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